Christmas, that special time of year that where we get to spend too much money, eat too much food and watch too much TV but not even feel guilty about it until the 1st of January. Every individual and family has their own unique traditions and customs over the festive period, but when it comes to being a Mormon at Christmas, there are somethings that are just unavoidable.
Your Christmas CD collection doesn’t just contain the obligatory Bublé album, but much to the embarrassment of anyone who happens to be within earshot, you will be blasting out some Christmassy Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Remember, you didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose you.
2. Christmas Time, mistletoe and… Shloer
Rather than stocking up on wine, champagne and whatever other tipples may be the custom at this time of year, you’ve been bulk buying shloer since November. By Christmas you will have a stash of it large enough to cause the onset of type 2 diabetes in a small herd of elephants. That won’t stop you consuming it all by New Years, mind…
3. Bake Cookies
You will bake cookies and take them to someone. Heck you might even receive some cookies! Failing that, you will visit a lonely person, fill a charity shoebox or find some other way of letting out your inner Christmas do-gooder.
4. Getting far too excited about the Christmas Devotional
You will get more enthusiastic about listening to a bunch of elderly men talk for an hour than is socially acceptable. Incidentally, you can view it here.
The missionaries, your ward mission leader, the bishop and just about everyone else keeps hassling you to #ShareTheGift. You know at some point you’re going to have to cave to their greater righteousness, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy about it. Oh, did we mention that you really should Share The Gift.
6. Mr. Krueger’s Christmas
You’ll remember that time someone thought it was a good idea to watch Mr. Krueger’s Christmas. The mere thought of it will take you to a dark place…
7. Stake Carol Concert
You will attend a local carol concert, and despite it being of very questionable quality, it will be one of the highlights of your Christmas every year.
8. Double Carol Concert
As if one carol concert wasn’t enough, you’ll catch some of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s Christmas concert. Whilst the quality is undoubtedly better, you will lose sleep at night trying to work out why and how the Muppets and Big Bird came to be involved.
9. The Ward Christmas Party
You will see things that can never be unseen. How can you ever look that member in the eyes again after seeing those dance moves?
10. When Someone Suggests a Christmas Day Service
When someone suggests having a Christmas morning service, and you know that will mean you have to wait longer to open your presents, but saying that out loud would make everyone judge you.
11. You’ll remember the true meaning of Christmas
Despite all the other things, you’ll remember what Christmas is really about, and that’s what will make it so special to you.
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